I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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