I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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