no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
