i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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