I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
