My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
