It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
