He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
