I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Randomize
