I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
