In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
