Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
