went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize