what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
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