...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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