google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
