I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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