Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
