Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
