i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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