I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
