actually, I'm a sock model
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
