sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
