So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
