I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
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