Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
