i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
