you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Randomize
