Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
