It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
