Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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