She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Randomize
