when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
