don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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