I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize