He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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