Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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