I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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