Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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