so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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