what day is it and did you see me today?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
