You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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