omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
