i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
