My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
and she was petting her beer can
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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