All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
