and she was petting her beer can
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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