I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
