I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
