Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
