sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
