nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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