was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
