a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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