I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize