I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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