We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
