umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize