We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Randomize
