I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
