The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Green mimosas i think yes
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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