then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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