3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
