You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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