Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize