That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
