That's when you crack a 10am beer
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
