I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
