Did you just see the Batmobile???
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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