Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
