Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
