I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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