there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
