Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm passing your future prison.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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