pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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