Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
