What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
