I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
