I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
