I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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