in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
