So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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