So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
do herpes really smell.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
